1) I am a list person
2) I like to plan
3) Most of these plans amount to little more than super detailed written day dreams, but I throughly enjoy them.
Haha, like my list about lists. See what I did there, jajaja I’m so clever.
Anteway, hello internet full of friends in my head, howdy! So lists, I’m not sure when I started making them however, since that ambiguous point in time I’ve come to depend on them, and they have served to see me through some Ish; bad relationships, major financial decisions, future outcomes, hopes and dreams and wishes made on a dim star in the depths of a lonely heart. Ya know, normal life stuff.
If I were to compile a collection of my lists, that would probably be a pretty good way to learn about myself, unfortunately most of them were scribbled in notebooks with pencil (my preferred method of thought delivery), and are either illegible or were unceremoniously trashed, boo hoo 😭. I do have access to my intermittent journals for the last 20+ years, so maybe I could do something with those, one day, probably not soon, though it is a pretty good self awareness resource, so I should probably find time to do that earlier than Nevuary 31st. No. Nope, no half-a$$ing, I’m committing to doing that, and posting about it here (yay, accountability!)
Back to lists.
In honor of this post I’ve compiled a list of things I want to do, if I could do anything, and fear/indecision wasn’t bullying me in to meekness.
Big Bad List of Things I’d Like to do if I Could do Absolutely Anything
Really learn to sew, at a professional level, to create my dream dresses, outfits, dolls and projects
Make money, enough to sustain myself with a comfortable and low scale elegant lifestyle, with very little hard work.
Travel, a lot, a whole lot
Help improve the lives of girls and women, probably by exposing them to non-traditional arenas, and by extension improving the lives of men, boys, and non-binary persons too.
Do something about fostering more understanding about race perceptions, self identity, personal awareness, rape, sexual assault, true equity- not the 50/50 bs, fairness, and a better living standard for people in general
Read a lot of books
Write several books, but at the very least my dusty and forlorn ya fic book
Be fit as f!@#
Be comfortable enough emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually, etc. to have, or adopt a kid, if that’s what I want to do in several years.
Live in Montreal in the warm nice weather months, and maybe experience a winter too
Create jobs that pay well, and treat people well
Be in a position to uplift my friends and family
Build a really really great relationship; supporting, loving, genuine, fun, and sexy.
Learn new stuff
Be fearless, or at least be able to say eff fear and do it anyway, legs shaking as I step forward
Be active in my community, with my body physically, and with my voice on the internets
Ground myself with a custom fitted spiritual practice
Practice yoga and meditation consistently
Allow and invite happiness, and stay in a positive mental space
Let go of worrying and “I wish” type regrets
Finally grow my fine, natural, low porosity, type 4 hair to be healthy, and beyond shoulder length
Figure out how to care for skin properly to finally kick my adult acne and dark marks
Create a couple kick-a$$ apps
This a long and unwieldy list. Some things overlap, some contradict, and it contains way more topics than most successful laser focused blogs tend to. I don’t care. This is me, all these things, not a cherry picked handful. Life is intersectional, not one dimensional, and I will not aim to disservice it with containment. That would be terrible for my self awareness, and if you’re trying to follow along for your own path of self discovery, it would be detrimental for you too. We are whole people, with a whole lotta Ish in our lives, and we will embrace all of it!
So I have a list, yay! That is now checked off my list, jajaja (laughing in español in case you’re wondering). Next up is a post that will aim to condense the list, by finding redundancies and overlapping themes. Then I will list real world actionable ideas and steps/possibilities I can take to make them happen. It is all about making things happen, for me and hopefully you too.
Okay kiddos, enjoy a nauseatingly positive day on me