Hey there, how are you, full of gratitude and energy I hope.
So, today was a rough day. I was in pain like you would not believe; the kind that rips your concentration from mindlessly thumbing through your phone, to being minutely aware of the places where you skin presses just a bit too hard on bone.
I had an accident last year, and have spent the past 12 months trying to recover. I finally had a procedure I’ve been waiting on for the better part of that period, and instead of the relief I expected, I received a severe uptick in pain. Now, this sounds bad right? Who wants something worse than what they already had to deal with? I’m choosing not to look at it that way though. Perception is the difference in believing that mostly good things happen to you, or mostly bad things. I choose to look at it as progress. Things have changed, and brought me to this state, they can change again, and bring me somewhere else. Being in excruciatingly debilitating pain over the last few days has allowed me to divorce myself from the concept that this pain is who I am. I’ve realized that the pain reinforces things about me, but in no way qualifies me. I am not a person in pain named Xsumi. Instead, my name is Xsumi, I am creative, articulate, and dogged in my pursuit of knowledge; I have been in a constant pain, that I’ve grown accustomed to accomadating myself towards over the course of a year long intensive in advanced level pain. If you see me limp, grimace, or sit unnaturally straight, I am in that moment experiencing acute awareness pain. My pain however, does not stop me from smiling, laughing, telling jokes, or finding the good, not anymore. More on that another time.
Your pain, physical or emotional, should not prevent you from fully participating in life either. Please do not let it.
With all my love,